Isn’t it ironic? I’m killing myself… to make a living. My job allows me to afford a lot of things I never was able to before. But I have pushed my body and mind to its limits like never before either. I can feel the day-to-day tasks of applying myself at my job are taking a toll on my mental health.

I have always feared failure. I have always hated being judged on how I look. I have always been known as the bimbo blonde who drinks too much. I hated that too. Finally, I have found something that I am proud of, but in the process, it has cost me much more than just money.

I’ve gained 10 pounds. I have trouble sleeping. My anxiety has sky-rocketed. My depression is worse than before. I have trouble eating. I always feel exhausted. I know its because I’ve put my health aside to succeed at this job. It is the most frustrating thing for me, because I will work and work and work to make a sale… and then nothing happens. But I have always overworked myself. All for nothing?

It makes me wonder if its worth it. I’m trying to imagine myself 5 years down the road… if I keep putting my health aside I’m going to end up dead by the time I’m 40. I need to ask myself, “is it worth it?”

I think there are ways to balance my lifestyle and create barriers for myself, but with the job I have with the constant deadlines, administrative tasks, and pressure to perform, its hard to create those boundaries. If I get lazy, my quota is going to reflect that. I was performing astonishingly when I was first hired, before the damage took its toll. Now, I feel like I’ve aged 10 years in about 1 year.

I write this as my head is throbbing and my body is craving sleep. I don’t want to quit, but I’m afraid if I don’t, my health is only going to get worse. Sales is a dynamic and engaging career choice, but it is not for the weak of heart. I found a few things online that help destress at work:

1. Take a walk
2. Take a Deep Breath
3. Stretch
4. Meditate
5. Make a checklist and action plan
6. Talk it out
7. Use essential oils
8. Listen to music
9. Take a reading break
10. Drink tea, not coffee

On my grave, it will say: Holly Patterson. 1993-20??. Death by Sales Career.